


Keeping a Comfortable Distance

by Onlymystory



Series: 9-1-1 Episode Vignettes [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Eddie just has a lot of emotions okay, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode: s03e06 Monsters, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, and I'm not here for the street fighting as a release
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23153473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onlymystory/pseuds/Onlymystory
Summary: “Did you ever stop to think about what that could do to us?”Buck sighs. “Of course I thought about it. I know I didn’t realize just how bad it would be, how personal it would get, and that’s on me. I know that." He’s pleading with everything he’s got. “I messed up and I’m sorry, but yes, Eddie, I promise I thought about what this could do to all of us.” He gestures around the firehouse.“Not us!” shouts Eddie, echoing the same motion at the entire station.  He moves his hand again, between himself and Buck. “Us! You and me. Did you ever think about what your lawsuit could do to us?”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: 9-1-1 Episode Vignettes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1667722
Comments: 11
Kudos: 422





	Keeping a Comfortable Distance

**Author's Note:**

> I'm complete trash for this ship. I'm still catching up on the show, so I literally paused 3x6 after that moment in the fire station because I needed to write this for my own personal catharsis. And apparently for Eddie's as well. 
> 
> Title from Paramore's "The Only Exception."

“I just want you to talk to me,” says Buck. Cards on the table, plain and simple. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it since they fought at the store. Eddie barely looks at him anymore, and Buck knows he fucked up, knows that lawsuit aside, Christopher deserved better. And that thing about jail? It doesn’t seem like anyone’s brought it up, though Buck can admit to himself that he probably wouldn’t know if they had, but Eddie’s attempt to act like that was just an example is bullshit. Something happened, something put Eddie in jail, even if just temporarily and it’s killing Buck that Eddie won’t talk to him about whatever it is. 

“Did you ever stop to think about what that could do to us?”

Buck sighs. “Of course I thought about it. I know I didn’t realize just how bad it would be, how personal it would get, and that’s on me. I know that. But I did think about how it would affect all of us, that it wouldn’t be the easiest for everyone to get through.” He’s pleading with everything he’s got. “I messed up and I’m sorry, but yes, Eddie, I promise I thought about what this could do to all of us.” He gestures around the firehouse. “This is my family, I never wanted to lose that.”

“Not us!” shouts Eddie, echoing the same motion at the entire station. He doesn’t seem to notice the audience they’ve gained. He moves his hand again, between himself and Buck. “Us! You and me. Did you ever think about what your lawsuit could do to _us_?”

Buck’s at a little bit of a loss, but he’s trying to catch up. “Eddie, man, if I’d lost, I’d still be in your life. I’d still be in Christopher’s life. Nothing changes that.”

“But you won,” says Eddie and it’s like all the anger and rage he just had disappears. “You won.”

Buck has absolutely no idea what to do with that, because it sounds like Eddie is absolutely devastated that Buck won his lawsuit and got to come back. A quick glance shows Hen and Chim and Bobby looking equally confused. 

“You won,” repeats Eddie. “And now you’re back as a firefighter and you’re the best goddamn firefighter I know, which means you’ll be right in the thick of it, pulling heroic shit and getting yourself killed. You won and I lost. I always lose.”

“Eddie…” Buck steps closer to his best friend, trying to get close enough to pull him into the hug that Eddie clearly needs. 

It’s like Eddie’s not seeing anyone right now, he just shudders away and keeps talking. “All I could see for months was you crushed under that truck. Every night I woke up screaming because I should have been able to save you and I couldn’t. You died over and over again. And then you got better, you were supposed to be better, and you nearly died at a party, Buck. At a fucking party!” Eddie’s shaking, his voice watery. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Buck can tell that Hen is blinking back tears and Bobby looks deeply worried, the concerned father sort of look that he usually reserves for Buck. 

“All I ever see when I close my eyes is blood and death and it’s always you. When Bobby said you couldn’t come back, when they said it was too dangerous, I was so relieved,” continues Eddie. “One night. One peaceful night’s sleep. Then the tsunami happened and that first moment I saw you...Jesus, Buck, in that first second, I’m the worst father ever, because I didn’t even register that Christopher wasn’t with you, I just saw you, hurt again. I had Christopher in my arms a moment later and you were falling, you’re always falling. But I thought, it’s okay, it’s okay, he’s still here.”

Buck finally manages to get close enough to stop Eddie’s shaking, putting his hands on either side of Eddie and just holding steady for a moment. “I am, Eddie, I’m right here.” 

“What about the next time?” says Eddie, looking at Buck with eyes that nearly break him. “How many times do I have to watch you almost die and wonder if this is it?”

Buck grips tighter. “I can’t promise you that nothing will ever happen to me.” He shakes his head before Eddie can interrupt. “But I can promise you that I have grown and I have learned. I can promise you, that I will listen to my Captain and that I won’t run towards danger without taking the proper precautions. I can promise you that I will remember that I have people who expect me to come home.”

Buck slides his hands up, cups Eddie’s face, leans in to kiss him, soft and slow, and ever so sweetly. Because for all the yelling, Buck’s never received a better “I love you” from anyone. “I promise you, Eddie Diaz, I will always do everything in my power to come home to you.”

They’ve both got tears in their eyes and Buck can’t say that he ever imagined an audience for this moment, but Eddie’s eyes are bright with hope as he stretches up mere inches and leans in to return the kiss. 

Buck knows they’ve got a lot to talk about. There’s probably a need for many late nights talking and a good deal of therapy and so much more than kisses in the middle of the fire station. But right now he has his Eddie back. 

So he wraps his arms around him, pulls Eddie in tight, closes his eyes, and kisses back. 


End file.
